Generations...

As I sit here tonight I think of my 14 almost 15 yr old daughter and a conversation that we had yesturday. Throughout all time each generation believes that the one before just doesn't understand them. And of course with that things were always so much easier when the older generation was at that same stage in life. And I am sure my sweet daughter will not comprehend until she too lives life a while that Oh, my gosh my mother really did understand. The excuses for problems that are faced could keep a comedian busy for an entire evening. It must be my old brain that causes me to not realize that algebra was not difficult back when I took it in school. It is because of technology and the advanced learning capibilities that makes it more difficult. And part of that statement may very well be true. However, my classmates and I we were never allowed a calculator in class or to be used on an exam. And apparently Algebra now isn't the same and on that it may very well be true. There have been advancements in what is being taught in the schools since I was in High School. And even since my graduation from Utah State University for that matter 1988 was a long time ago. And the learning disabilities I was informed I had while at college aparently don't qualify for any compassion. Nor the fact that while in college I was a single parent of two the oldest being 8 when I graduated and her sister just two years younger because it wasn't of course my daughters fault I had her sisters back then that was my choice. I do not doubt that my daughter's 9th grade year hasn't been challenging. However, as I recall of course with the dementia that I must be experiencing my ninth grade experience was very simular. But, this new generation quite frankly is selfish and lazy. Now, because I don't want to make the same generalization my young daughter made there must be some out there that are not that way.... somewhere. I don't think of myself as terribly old early fifties. Although via genetics arthritis has taken it's toll. But, it amazes me that unless you specifically (and this theory doesn't always work either) tell a teenager to do something even though they can obviously see something should be done. Will walk right past it and leave it for someone else. And heaven forbid that they do a job that was requested to be completed by a sibling. That would be down right wrong. Granted I grew up in a rural community and had specific jobs that needed to be done. It was expected in the summer that I would have to help with the hay which included cutting, and or bailing or driving the tractor so my father could load the bails on a wagon. I was expected to help in the spring to pack the wool so it could be taken to the woolen mills. (which I admit was fun when I was smaller)And branding and de-horning the cows and casteration. Or by taking care of the "Bummer Lambs" the one's who's mother either died or wouldn't feed the lamb. Expecting nothing more than a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food to eat and occasionally something special. If I wanted "name brand clothing" I had to have a job on the side to pay for it. And I do remember complaining at times. But, the one hold my parents had on me was I could never stand to see my mother cry. Not for any reason. If she did it bothered me. Now my young daughter was correct many of my hardships I brought on myself. I married too young and was divorced by the time I was 24. But, I have never suggested that this was anyone's fault but, my own. Not only are children these days arrogant and lazy but, they always want to blame someone else for their problems. Do I love my daughter? More than you could imagine. And I am quite sure at times I snapped at my parents the line that they didn't understand how hard things were. But, lets put things in perspective here. My grandparents and their parents lives were far more difficult than my own. The hardships they faced were much more difficult than anything I can begin to imagine. They were fortunate if they got to go to school. There was always work to be done. But, even with my disability my children think I am wonder woman. I can work all night and in the daytime I can pick up after them. I guess that is what being a mom is now. A job that I have always wanted and have been grateful for. So, maybe the key is to stop looking at the foot prints on my back and realize that one day they will understand. Will I still be here to see that day well, that is up to the dear Lord I suppose. So for anyone who has teenagers or feels unappreciated well, you are not alone. But, I believe that one day their eyes will be opened and the realization that maybe they had helped more, there would have been more time for fun and the memories of their parents would be that of not being tired all the time but of all the things that they could have done to enjoy the time they had with their parents. I know I wish I had been more thoughtful. I wish I had listened more. And more than anything I wish I had one more day that I could spend with them just to tell them that I love them and appreciated all they did for me. I assume it has been this way since the begining of time....

Life.... seek out the inner child

In such a fast paced world at times I am amazed that any of walk away with any self image. Positive or negitive. I am not convinced that this techno age is all that wonderful. After all my android phone has a mind of it's own. I am amazed every day if it actually sends what I intend it too. I think I must be what they call an old soul. Often I find that I feel I don't belong in this world, it moves far too fast for me. But, then because we have this comes good things too. I remember many years ago when my youngest daughter was born prematurely. Back then it was considered a miracle she survived. Where as these days children born with the same disease it is not considered as scary as it was back then. So once again we see the ying with the yang. Opposites, without them we would never know a happy day if we didn't have sad ones. I am grateful for opposition in all things. Just as I am grateful to have been born to good parents that loved me. I am grateful I got my Bachelors of Science degree. (even if it is merely only a piece of paper that hangs in my office at home.) It's mine, I earned it. No one gave it to me. I am greatful that when I felt that all was lost it was given back 3 fold. I am greatful for children. My children, my grandchildren and all children throughout the world. I believe they are our greatest teachers! If you want to know something and have it come to you as purely as possible talk with a child. They don't mix words they say it just like it is. They are so close to heaven. The closest thing to heaven we have on earth. Yet inside of each of us lives a little child. Our deepest soul is that of a child and when we let it govern our lives life makes sence because it all becomes simple again. It is us adults that complicate life. It doesn't matter if another's view of life is different than that of my own. That is true freedom to think and feel for ourselves. They say that God's children are greater than the sands of the sea or the stars of the heavens yet, he knows each of us by name. Some may call it theory and maybe that might be true but what is faith? As I was taught Faith is believing in things that you can neither see or touch. I have faith that My Heavenly Father knows me by name and he loves me. That in itself is cause to rejoice!

What I believe!

I believe that the sun will rise in the east and go down in the west. That Christmas is only once a year on December 25th. That I will pay taxes till the day I die. And I have faith that I am a daughter of the most high God. That my being here has a purpose. Finding out what that purpose is that is my responsibility. I believe that children are the greatest gift that the good Lord gives us. At times as we raise them we may wonder about that one but honestly. The good and Bad times with my children have all been worth the journey. I married a man with 9 children. I had two of the greatest girls ever, I adopted 4 of the 9 children. so I guess technically speaking I have 6 children and 5 step children. Although I love them all individually. Our posterity by the end of this year will be 16 grandchildren. That is if we combine all from step children to children. Not bad at all. With this statement I suppose that means that I believe with all my heart that Families are everything and Families are forever. I have not any worldly wealth, yet I am rich! I am rich in the love of my family husband, step children and adopted not to mention the fruit of my loins. I like that phrase. Have I been blessed in this life. More than I have words to explain indeed I have. Have I encountered hardships (that should be self explainttory from the phrase I have children LOL) What greater blessing is there? Money... I find is fleating and is going so fast you hardly know where it goes. But, if your lucky as I am, you get blessed with offspring that is a continuous source of laughter. Some pain due to making not so good choices but what kids hasn't caused their parents some pain. I look back on my life and I remember when I made stupid choices. And yet, I still believe my Heavenly Father loves me, dispite my imperfections and has always been with me regardless of my own apostacy. I let anger take hold of me and I lost something worth more than all the rice in China. I am grateful for a kind and loving Father in heaven who also was disappointed in my actions yet, loved me still and patiently waited for my return. I now remember and believe I am a child of the most high God. Who loves me as I love him. Who I believe has forgiven me of my failings, for I feel his presence with me when I do what is right. Am I perfect oh my goodness no. But, one day I could be. Not in this life but hopefully in the next. I have a testimony of the truthfullness of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints. That we have a living prophet Thomas S. Monson that leads and directs his church in these latter days. I am grateful for a husband that stands behind me in whatever endeavor I seek including this one to find my way back to the church. Some may mock me and others chastise me. But, I live in America where I have the right to believe in what ever religion I choose. I don't believe in forcing religion on anyone what ever they choose to believe in if they feel it is right then it is something. I have made many mistakes on the path of life. I am no better or worse than anyone else. I am just an individual that believes that I have worth, that with making choices comes accountability, That I can find my way back with the Lords help. So, if I offend anyone I appologize but not for believing in what I do but for offending someone. I believe I have to be accountable for all the stupid mistakes I have made along the way. And am willing to do so, the bottom line is this. "I love my Heavenly Father, for all that he has given me and for all that he expects of me," For this is what I believe!